Managing Postpartum and New Motherhood Challenges - Therapists' Experience and Advice
5-minute read time
Today we have a special blog written two therapists on our team, as they reflect on their own experience as mothers. While particularly helpful for first time moms, they share advice for all mothers who want to manage their mental health alongside their parenting experience.
We'll cover:
When do typical hormonal changes become a larger mental health problem?
Additional resources for support
Taking Care of Yourself as a New Mom
Did you know that May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness month? Truth be told, neither did I! What better time to honor, celebrate and focus on the mental health of mothers everywhere. While we can all agree that being a mother is by far one of the most rewarding experiences ever, this is a place where we can be honest and talk about how challenging, stressful and exhausting motherhood can be.
While we could go on and on covering this topic, we've narrowed it down to talk about what we wished we knew as new mothers. We'll share some myths about motherhood, as well as clinical perspective and tips for managing mental health as a mom.
Myths:
“Being a mother comes naturally.”
Truth is, being a mother is not for everyone, and certainly does not come naturally or with ease. There is an abundance of conflicting information out there. Just a few examples you may have heard: formula, “breast is best”, crying it out, sleep training, gentle parenting, and the list goes on. Every infant is uniquely their own person and therefore a one size fits all approach doesn’t work with raising children. Your best is enough!
“Mothers have to be perfect”
Perfection is an unspoken assumption, and one which is widely accepted. It sets mothers up for unrealistic standards and expectations. The reality is that we will make mistakes, and a lot of them. These mistakes are necessary to allow us to grow as parents, as well as for our children to learn and grow as individuals. Let this serve as a gentle reminder to leave the dishes, and that the laundry will eventually get done. Take some time for you! You’re worth it and deserve it!
“Once you are a mother, your needs will come last”
Mark these words, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it is essential. While priorities do change when you become a parent, it does not mean that as mothers we have to completely lose ourselves as individuals. It is vital to our overall health and well-being to recharge, so that we can be our best selves for our families. We are nothing to anyone else if we have nothing left to give.
It can also be a time to rethink what self-care is. Clients I work with have heard me ask often, “how else can we imagine what self-care looks like?” It is not always long bubble baths, massages, or girls trips. It can be fostering passions, revisiting hobbies, getting lost in a book or tv series, or spending quality time with family and friends. Seize any chance to remember and reclaim who we were, before we became “mom, mama, mommy, ma, or even a - hey you!”
When do natural hormonal shifts become a larger mental health issue?
When I work with new mothers, I am looking to distinguish between hormonal shifts often referred to as the “baby blues”, and what is clinically diagnosable as postpartum Depression and/or Anxiety. The baby blues are often short term, usually improving on their own after a couple weeks. Symptoms can be alleviated by sleep, basic self care, falling into a routine, assistance with household tasks, and connecting with those close to you.
It's time to seek professional help when symptoms persist or worsen after a couple weeks. This could be feelings of hopelessness, guilt, sadness, loss of interest, feeling disconnected from your child, thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself or others, including your child. Your therapist and/or Primary Care Provider can assist with screening, diagnostics and treatment. Postpartum Depression affects upwards of 10% of mothers and can last up to a year. The most important message here is; there is help available and you are NOT alone.
Things I Wish I Knew as a New Mom
The Postpartum period brings a lot of unique challenges. There are so many changes physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and intellectually. Not only are you caring for a new baby, but you are navigating life with new feelings and a different physiology. The learning curve is enormous, about so many different things.
You have brought a new life into the world! And… you are thrust into an amazing sphere of new questions: What is the plan for feeding? How will we function without longer stretches of sleep? Where is the baby sleeping? Who is making food? Is co-sleeping bad? Is it good? Do we have to go to work? Should we pick them up when they are crying? Who gets up during the night?
I didn’t know very much about the postpartum period when I had my first baby, and there are many things that I'd like to have done differently. Here are some of the top things that I wish I knew:
Do something to take care of yourself every day
This doesn’t have to take a long time or be a big thing - it could be 2 minutes to close your eyes, going out for coffee, taking a walk, calling a friend. Doing something to prioritize yourself is really important in keeping the connection to yourself healthy, and not losing sight of your needs and wants.
Seek support
Support can come in many different forms. Do you have family or friends around who can help? Do you have a community center or group for postpartum parents? It can be helpful to be alongside other parents that are going through the same stage with their baby. Support can look all kinds of ways. It might be someone coming over to watch the baby while you sleep, or someone dropping a meal off for you. It could be someone just listening to how your day was. Having people to lean on can make a really big difference in how you feel during the postpartum period.
Be honest about what you are experiencing.
We often hear about how wonderful parenthood is: What a gift! How amazing! How incredible! However, for some people it is incredibly difficult and challenging (and it doesn’t feel amazing and wonderful). Everyone has their own experience and there is no “right” way to feel. Being able to talk to someone about what your real, lived experience is incredibly important. This person could be a good friend, family member, or therapist. Sharing your truth about how you are feeling and what you are going through is critical to keep your body and mind healthy.
Additional Resources:
There is help available!
Contacting your Primary Care Provider, OBGYN or child’s pediatrician for referrals can be a great place to start. Additionally you can explore working with a Wellspring Connection therapist. Or visit our resources page for free and low cost mental health support.
Here are some postpartum and infant parenting books to explore: